Some of the weirdest songs I’ve ever heard

I’m feeling goofy so I have to share this. I have been listening to the radio as I work lately, and a few songs have played that made me stop and do a double take. Some songs are just like that. They’re just so bizarre you wonder if you heard the lyrics correctly. Well, I have heard a number of these songs over the years, and all I can say is, “WTF??”

“Into the Night” by Benny Mardones has to be one of the freakiest stalker songs I’ve ever heard. Every time I hear the piano lead-in, I have to hold back my vomit. And for some odd reason I almost always hear it at Togo’s as I’m biting into a Santa Fe Chicken Wrap.

“She’s just sixteen years old leave her alone, they say…”

Yeah, they say that for a reason. It’s called “pedophilia.”

“Separated by fools who don’t know what love is yet”

Whether or not they know “love”, they know the law.

“If I could fly, I’d pick you up
I’d take you into the night and show you a love
Like you’ve never seen, ever seen”

Might as well just say you have a pit in your basement and you collect human skin.

“Invisible” by Clay Aiken is just as bad. Well, minus the pedophilia… that we are aware of, anyway…

“Whatcha’ doin’ tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Who’s stealin’ your dreams
Why can’t I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I’m alive”

Some chloroform and duct tape?

“If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I’d make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)”

Careful, honey. That pervert is is waiting for you in your closet right now!

This one isn’t a perv song, it’s just literally the laziest song in the world by a band called Snow Patrol. “Chasing Cars” sounds so busy, though!

“We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own”

That’s the first verse. Wow. That would be pretty inspiring if it were at least a fucking haiku.

“We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone”

Kids and their heroine these days.

“If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?”

What are you, quadriplegic?

“Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That’s bursting into life

Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own”

In other words, “I hope you have a job because I’m a deadbeat and I plan on making a permanent dent in your sofa and eating all your eggs and Cheerios. But I love you!”

“Copacabana” by Barry Manilow has to be the perkiest depressing song I’ve ever heard. It’s so cha cha cha, but if you listen to the lyrics, it’s a travesty!!!

We know that Lola was a showgirl with yellow flowers in her hair and her dress cut down to “there,” but once we get past the familiar lyrics of this super upbeat song, we find out that Lola’s boyfriend Tony was shot by some dickhead named Rico. And then what happened Barry??

“Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl
But that was 30 years ago, when they used to have a show
Now it’s a disco, but not for Lola
Still in the dress she used to wear, faded feathers in her hair
She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half-blind
She lost her youth and she lost her Tony
Now she’s lost her mind!”

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! That is the most tramatic thing I’ve ever heard in a song!!! Merengue anyone?!!!! “At the copa….”

This one’s just funny because I used to love it and then Doug pointed out what was not obvious to me. This is “Take It On The Run” by REO Speedwagon.

“Heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who
Heard it from another you been messin’ around
They say you got a boyfriend, you’re out late every weekend
They’re talkin’ about you and it’s bringin’ me down

But I know the neighborhood
And talk is cheap when the story is good
And the tales grow taller on down the line
But I’m telling you, babe, that I don’t think it’s true, babe
And even if it is keep this in mind”

Then he goes on to say that he doesn’t think she’s cheating on him. Doug: “What a fucking whining pussy!” (lol)

This song makes me roll my eyes every time I hear it. It’s so arrogant and ridiculous. I love some Elvis Presley songs, but this one is priceless!

“It’s now or never,
come hold me tight
Kiss me my darling,
be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late,
it’s now or never
My love won’t wait.”

No pressure or anything. I really love the big crescendo at the end. “My dick won’t wait!!!”

I love the song “Stagger Lee” by Lloyd Price, and I love “Hey Joe” by Jimi Hendrix, but I am more than slightly mortified that they are encouraging the men in their songs to murder another human being. So your wife or girlfriend cheated on you, Joe. Dump that bitch and let it go, man! I hope you speak Spanish. And Stagger Lee?

“”Stagger Lee,” said Billy,
“Oh, please don’t take my life!
“I’ve got three hungry children,
“And a very sickly wife.”

Stagger Lee shot Billy
Oh, he shot that poor boy so hard
That a bullet went through Billy
And broke the bartender’s bar.”

Oh my God!!! That’s horrifying! And then they merrily sing “Go Stagger Lee!” over and over and over and over again. Good Lord!

“Secret Lovers” by Atlantic Starr is a train wreck of a song. You are seriously singing so romantically about something that would tear your spouse’s heart out and serve it up bleeding on a silver fucking platter? You are sick!

“Here we are, the two of us together
Taking this crazy chance to be all alone
We both know that we should not be together
‘Cause if they found out, it could mess up
Both our happy homes”

Soooo happy! So happy you’re banging someone else?? Wait, is this Joe’s wife? I change my mind. Shoot that hussy!

Why I am treading lightly with certain subjects…

I was contemplating my quasi-noncommittal approach to certain subjects yesterday, specifically religion and the adult industry, and know now why — even though I have strong opinions about both — it is too difficult to stand too firmly on “the issues.”

I was raised Baptist and I was in the adult industry for a brief period of time, so naturally, I have opinions about both, but to spend too much time in either world is very unbalanced for someone like me. I believe the two worlds go hand-in-hand, and it’s a strained and unhealthy relationship, but still, they are related. If there is a porn pandemic in this country, it is because there is a religious pandemic, as well.

I know that I wanted to interview Shelley Lubben because I was fascinated by her flip from manipulative sex worker to Christian evangelist. I don’t think they are that different. In the very beginning, had I been granted an interview I would have asked her if she saw the similarities the way that I saw them. Both require submissive/dominance roles on the part of the speaker/master and audience/client. Both are very dark and gothic in nature, and both attract extreme fanatics. All of this makes it near impossible for a well-balanced person to 1) understand any of it, and 2) care about any of it. I can see why anyone in a healthy loving relationship, with kids and interests outside of these darker places would be perplexed and reject anything heavier than the casual trip to church on Sunday and a quickie with the spouse just before nodding off at night. I know plenty of people of different faiths who embrace their religion without taking it too seriously, and I know plenty of people of different sexual orientations that embrace sex, again, without taking it too seriously. Everything in moderation.

There’s still no healthy and civil dialogue happening about sex, religion and politics in this country — not on a large scale, anyway — but at least smart women like Nina Hartley, Audacia Ray, Divinity33372, and so many other men and women are leveling the playing field by speaking openly and smartly about the therapeutic properties of sex work. We can go to a counselor for mental and emotional healing, a massage therapist for muscular healing and a chiropractor for skeletal healing; sex can be a source of healing, as well, but from a professional… not someone like the sex worker Shelley Lubben used to be. Through the decriminalization of sex work, courses can be developed for the sex worker akin to the rigors of geishas and the courtesans of old. With an emphasis on education, and sex workers as educators, the problems that Shelley experienced as a sex worker can be overcome. There are plenty of men and women willing to bring their conscience to work with them and use protection, and not be high or drunk on the job, and be coherent and positive and work diligently to correct the extreme anti-female, anti-sex worker disease so prevalent in this country. A person can take courses, thereby eliminating the opportunity to “fall” into the business. A police officer must pass a psychological exam before he or she can become a protector of the people. A psychological exam appropriate for the job can eliminate the possibility for people like Shelley and men and women like her from entering a job they are not mentally and emotionally prepared to handle.

I’d love to dive into one area and become an expert, even a speaker, but I can’t stand the trolls. I’m too sensitive for the really angry people. The views are too one-sided. Everything is a dirty word here because of the extremists. Sex, politics, religion, feminism… No one can ever see clearly and understand the issues for all the crazy people who don’t have the emotional and mental intelligence to see things from a balanced perspective. The mind, alone, is just not enough, and feelings, alone, are not enough. It has to be with all facets of our human intelligence that we look at life and people and customs and problems. The extremists are missing something, and instead of seeking out a therapy that can connect them with the part of themselves they’ve lost or just forgotten about, they lean on each other and their combined hate to see the world through a very distorted lens.

I’m reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl, and it is amazing to me how so much skewed perception can lead to unthinkable atrocities. It doesn’t happen overnight, but left unchecked, the combined hate of many can manifest. Love is the only way to really understand, and if you think you don’t deserve it, then you don’t, because it’s a function of the mind. If you think you do deserve it, then you do. It’s always been that simple, even though we make it as very complicated as we possibly can.

I understand the function of religion. It can be very beautiful. Sex can be very beautiful, too, but if I judge you for being Catholic instead of Muslim, I am only saying that there is fault in my custom. If I know there’s no fault in mine, why do I care about what’s “not right” about yours? It’s the same with sex. If I’m content in my life, why do I need to tell you what’s not right about your life? The similarities are so easy to see! Mormons in Utah funding a ban on gay marriage in California. Think about it. Mormons are polygamist. Attack someone else for a choice deemed more or equally radical to deviate attention from yourself and what you’re doing. Politicians use these tactics constantly. Pro-choice vs. pro-life. Republican vs. Democrat, all so they can distract us from the actual important things going on. If everyone stopped and said, “These issues aren’t the most important issues. Let’s talk about debt and clean energy and what’s really going on overseas,” we would scare the hell out of these people. It’s an easy ruse. They pick the issues that instantly cause the strongest emotional reaction so they can continue to do things behind the scenes because we are mesmerized by the smoke and mirrors display. We’ve been tricked, and until we all see it, and not just a few of us, our problems will always persist. Tolerance is balance. Love and understanding are easy. We are the problem here. We are constantly interfering with our own happiness.

A New Post, A New Troll and More Betty Bowers (because she’s awesome!!!)

I posted a new article on Mike’s site yesterday and I really like it. I’m going to add it as a new page to my “Anti-Sex Worker Info” page next week. It’s called, The Impossible Debate: Anti-Porn vs. Pro-Porn, and it’s my take on the XXXChurch debate with Ron Jeremy. It’s already posted under “Videos” of the “Anti-Sex Worker Info” page. I just don’t understand all of Craig Gross’ points, and he seems really weird to me. I’ll actually go into more detail when I post it here because it was getting too long yesterday. And this has nothing to do with the debate, but what is with his helmet hair? In everything he does he’s got that messy, super gelled, super lifted hair. Is it supposed to detract from how long his face is? A hairstylist once told me that the trick to making my round face look thinner is a lot of lift at the crown. His hair, so big like that all over, just enhances his long face. Maybe he’s going for that “I’m hip and goth,” look? Maybe he has a bad hairstylist? Maybe there is a new school of thought out there for Christians that Shelley and Craig subscribe to that teaches the speakers to go for really over-the-top appearances to attract more people… It could happen.

Apparently, there is another troll on the pro-Shelley Lubben front. Anthony at SmackDog Chronicles received a comment from someone calling themselves “Allanlize” or “Allainize”. I’m still waiting for my email from http://intensedebate.com so I can see his response to this person, though he sent it to me in an email. If he gives me the green light, I’ll just repost it here, but the thing is, I got a comment from this person, too, sometime this morning, and I cannot for the life of me understand what this person is saying. They posted it under Shelley Lubben is Worse Than The Worst Pornographers, and it goes like this:

“Every pornstar that join the Shelly crew mostly had a traumatic disease or some accidents… then they regret…
so i hope you all pornstar dont have to wait untill a bad things happen to you…
just think what shelly means… dont you give somebody a chance to be good… she explained exact thing with more data.and you just explained all by ur emotion and liberality…what a poor response”

What??? If anyone can tell me what the f*ck this person is talking about, I would greatly appreciate it. “Liberality?” (lol) Shelley explaining anything with “exact data.” Yeah, exactly wrong. What a nut. She can’t even get anyone intelligent to speak for her. Great.

And because Betty is BRILLIANT, and Sarah Palin is NOT… more Betty. Yay!!!