Greetings From The Undergirl: Memorial Day Weekend
Filed under: Adventure, Greetings From The Undergirl, News, Opinion Piece, Short Story
A week’s worth of news, opinion pieces, short stories, etc… all rolled into one post!
Memorial Day
I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day! Just before Doug and I departed the plane in Dallas, Texas, the flight attendant asked us to applaud for the soldiers aboard our flight. I, personally, appreciate the selfless dedication of men and women who fight to make sure we maintain the freedoms that we have. Complacency can dull our eyes, and little concessions here and there can cause us to lose freedom during an indifferent slumber. I appreciate their loyalty to our way of life and I am very happy I live here rather than a third world country years behind our evolution. We must keep ourselves in check everyday to preserve a progressive movement forward from within so that we don’t betray and embarrass the men and women who protect our borders from without. We owe it to ourselves and them to expand our ability to love, understand, communicate and stand up for the right and decent in our culture and the ability to rationally debate what those ever changing definitions might be so that their efforts aren’t for not. Sometimes we have to fight for what we believe in, even if we don’t want to. Sometimes life demands it on scales both small and large. Thank you for being prepared to do that.
My son graduated from High School…
My boy walked across the stage planted on the school’s football field and took his fake diploma. (He picked it up the next day – a strategic move of withholding by the administration to make sure the graduating class behaved. lol) I caught the ceremony and so many other things on video – actually spent the entire day yesterday compiling all of it and making a movie for family members. I wish I could post it. It is awesome. It’s a masterpiece really, because it took a lot of creativity to make sense of it and make it entertaining. I can’t say enough about Canon products. The Canon PowerShot
Of the graduation, the highlights – besides my son graduating and my good timing on getting a number of important shots – were the sad band that played Pomp and Circumstance
iDVD DOES NOT SUCK AT ALL!
The movie I made will make a nice late birthday present for my Mother. We had to leave on her birthday, but she will like what I put together. I love iDVD
HERTZ DOES SUCK!
Hertz was awful to us. My credit is horrible, but I’m working on it. Anyway, I reserved a rental car through Hertz and even though I had the money to pay for the car, they run a mandatory credit check and denied renting me a car. In other words, they would never survive as the only option somewhere because you’d be shit out of luck if you have money, but bad credit. But that’s not all. We went to leave and the paunchy old guy behind the counter made a snarky, condescending comment. “We rent thousands of cars everyday.” It was meant to make us feel worse than we already did about being denied a vehicle because it was completely unnecessary. When Doug’s voice dropped and he asked him to repeat what he said and then asked him why he said it, the idiot treated him as if he were out of line and confrontational and simply parroted all the other places we could go to for a car. I finally turned to Doug and said, “Obviously, it’s meant to be condescending and this person is not worthy our time.” I hope I have a lot of money someday just so I can petition against Hertz. It is silly but it will make me feel good. “Oh no! It Hertz!” Right. As if I’d ever remember to campaign against a car rental company while a lot of money is sitting in a bank waiting for me. lol They still suck, though.
An Interview With Queen Eilene!
‘Queen Eilene‘ is the journalistic moniker of one of my dear friends. I’ve known her since I was… thirteen? We were part of a girl gang back in my hometown and she is pursuing her dream of becoming a music journalist by completing her college courses, blogging and really putting herself out there so she can make a living writing full time. Her tagline is fitting, because I can remember how she commanded respect and attention everywhere she went with that cool, calm strut and “It’s Ok I’m With The Band” demeanor. It’s the perfect phrase for describing this awesome creature.
Through Eilene’s contacts and the generous efforts of a couple of people from a community college near us in Texarkana, we were able to film an interview between us. I asked her about music journalism, interviewing Gwar and her “ultimate interview conquests”. She asked me about the documentary, my blogs and writing and goals for the future. It was so nice to see her, hug her, meld minds and then reunite with her mother and sister and also meet her beautiful daughter for the first time. It was an excellent experience and I can’t wait to see her again. She went to New York that evening, so I am expecting a report on how that went as well as the edited interview that I will post or link to as soon as I am able.
Family
It was great to see my family, and it was nice to be reminded of what matters most. They may not see each other everyday even if they live in the same small place, but they do get together when I visit and for a brilliant moment, we all love each other deeply and get along like lifelong friends. I’m lucky that family get-togethers, where I come from, are special. They weren’t always like that, but they are now and it feeds my soul. I love you all and thank you for receiving us so kindly!!!
Quote of the Day
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
Greetings From The Undergirl!: Bowling with Celeste Star
Filed under: Adventure, Greetings From The Undergirl, News, Opinion Piece, Picture, www.MikeSouth.com
A week’s worth of news, opinion pieces, short stories, etc… all rolled into one post!
Category updates…
After losing my blog for several days last week I decided to go through a year’s worth of blog posts, here and Jaded and Other Gems (now defunct), and update my “Categories”. I found vague, pussy categories like “Tangent”, “Spiritual” and “Introspective”. Ugh… Well, now the blog has a power list! Instead of “Tangent”, is “Drunken Tangent”! Awesome, right? Which means I’ll be adding some really obnoxious posts from Mike South’s site because I’ve got some doozies over there. And don’t get too excited, I only have a few under that category, but I’m working on it, okay.
“Documentary” points to everything about the documentary…. Okay, that’s not as exciting as “Drunken Tangent”.
“Greetings From The Undergirl” points to all these posts that roll up a lot into a short space.
“Interview” points to all interviews. I’m falling asleep. You get the picture. It took me four or so hours to do it, so if you’re really not impressed, keep it to yourself.
Another Cult, or an Old Cult?
Two models I talked to this week mentioned the same makeup artist in the industry (whose name I will not post here), and that she had suggested the same cult to them to both of them. The cult is called Landmark, but it used to be called “Est” in the 80′s. I don’t really have an opinion about the organization, though I may do some more investigation, but I can relay that both models did not like the way said makeup artist pushed them and even got mad at one of them for not being interested. I know enough about non-friends to know that if someone gets mad at you after they’ve been pressuring you to do something you’re not interested in, there’s a problem and it’s not with you, it’s with them. I know this makeup artist and don’t have a problem with her, but I do know she was always depressed and upset in the past and trying to figure out the next new thing to help her get past it all. I’m cool with that, but remember, what’s good for you may not be good for someone else.
The other model went to a meeting and did not like the constant pressure to fork up, not just a donation like those bowls you find passed around at the usual church sites, but hundreds of dollars in membership fees, right away. I will do some more research just because I’m fascinated by what lengths “spiritual” organizations will go to to part people with their money. Everyone does it, if they’re selling something, but I’m not convinced that a lot of pressure and then brainwashing is a real fix to deep-seeded issues.
I can say I did go to Agape with a friend once, and it was a great experience. You begin the session meditating, then people speak, you make a donation, and then you meditate before you leave. I liked it. It non-denominational (even though they borrow the word “God”, but also use “The One”) and you only donate if you can. I’m just not into group functions unless it involves several wasted friends and imitations of Carol Channing, RuPaul and Paul Lynde – which should be happening this coming Wednesday night. *hope, hope, hope*
Bowling with Celeste Star…
Celeste is outgoing, bright and funny, a real tomboy. She wanted to spend her “day” for the documentary going bowling, so that’s what we did! Celeste and her boyfriend, Johnny, kicked mine and Jonathan’s butt the first round, but during the second round we made a comeback! Although, that could have more to do with extreme drunkenness on the part of Celeste, Johnny and I, Celeste taking her stuffed monkey onto the lane to help her throw the ball, and the fact that the only sober person was on my team. But I digress. We kicked ass!!!
Happy Sunday!
Greetings From The Undergirl!: Porn, Scorn and Rip Torn, by Julie Meadows
Filed under: Archive Posts, Greetings From The Undergirl, www.MikeSouth.com
I originally wrote this at Mike South’s blog on March 18, 2010. It is being added to other articles under the category ‘Archive Posts’.
“Greetings” is a little comp of thoughts from a week of seeing the world through my eyes…
Nothing New News
I read Vince Voyeur’s name on a blog today, along with a sarcastic title about him and I laughed. The conclusion to glean from it was that Vince is not a pleasant person. That is probably an understatement, though I’m not sure he does too much harm within his ‘not a pleasant person’ regimen, i.e. I’ve never heard of him beating anyone up or causing anyone malicious harm. Just sort of random dumb prima donna stuff. The blog re-posts his Tweets about talent showing up late for work and asking too many questions about how many positions they must get into, etc… It made me think of one incident with him.
I worked with him in 1998 a few times. One scene was especially strange because he showed up with a wounded penis. I don’t know if anyone in the industry remembers this but it involved a skirmish with someone during a trip to Budapest, a woman’s jealous boyfriend or something (facts could be skewed here), but that’s not the point. The point is that his penis had cut marks on it, like someone… stabbed it with a fork? A tiny knife? Maybe clipped at it with nail clippers? Mashed it with a rock? Oh, sorry! That hurts my phantom penis, so I can imagine anyone with a real one is squirming right now.
Anyway, he pulled his penis out for the proverbial beginning-of-the-scene blow job and I was slightly awestruck. I had two very distinct feelings about it: ‘What in the world caused all those little odd-shaped wounds on this man’s penis?’ and, ‘Why is he putting it in my face?’ I looked up at him and said, “What happened to your dick?” He looked back at me, “I got into a fight.” He didn’t say anything else, as if this was just normal, somehow. I barely knew him so I thought he might be slow. I turned to the director and said, “Um… there are scabs all over his penis, so one – it is not going in my mouth, and two – it is not going in my vagina or my ass.” Leaving, of course, nothing else.
This is not to defame him in any way, or accuse him of disease. I can tell you it was definitely the result of being beat up. Actual STD sores look very different and not randomly odd-shaped like that, and there were people who were on the trip with him who could confirm that an angry boyfriend found out Vince was in porn, only visiting for a shoot, and beat Vince up for hitting on his woman. The ultimate revenge being to be up his penis. Of course, it’s still risky to work with someone who is wounded (scabs do come off, ew!), so I opted to do the scene sans blow job and using a condom. Everyone thought the Budapest story was funny and typical of his personality. What’s not funny is the accusation of his going on and on about talent professionalism (or better yet, lack thereof), yet he showed up for a shoot and stuck his wounded penis in my face as if it wasn’t a big deal. If I had only been a few years further into my career, he or I would have simply been replaced. I was being polite when I should have said, ‘No Thanks.’ Fortunately, the condom did not break or come off during the scene.
Let that be a lesson to you ladies (and gents), someone like that shows up to work with you, never, ever risk it. Be prepared to walk away. It insults you that they would even show up to work with you in that kind of condition. When you’ve got scabs all over your Frankenstein dick, dealing with late people and too many questions about scene details is the least of your problems!
Good News
I read on another blog today that there is a special retirement home for sex workers in Mexico City, a place called Casa Xochiquetzal. Not only was it a favorable story about caring for sex workers – some of whom still work, but not in the home, itself – it was also dotted by a trail of friendly comments from the readers. I love to see people setting an example that it is okay to have compassion for sex workers. It is awesome and so refreshing!
Old News
I know this is old news, but I needed something that rhymed with “porn” and “scorn” and I think it’s funny that seventy-eight-year-old Rip Torn broke into a bank while he was drunk and carrying a revolver, and his lawyer says he thought the bank “was his home.” That just kills me! It’s horrible, of course, but I think he’s awesome. Like a crazy uncle. At least he wasn’t drunk driving. lol
Blues News
After dealing with another negative person through my YouTube page, and giving it some thought, I just realized today – crazy, I know – that most people are very animal-like. We are born human, and it is a gift, because we are afforded, through the properties of conscience, the opportunity to stop and think and make choices about what is healthy, or we can piss it away and go through life programmed and never take advantage of our ability to evolve. Most people would hear the things told to them and take it as truth, and recite the things they read, never processing the information through their own filters of personal thoughts and feelings, and then they cause the kind of harm they accuse others of doing. I will never understand how calling someone a “whore” and snubbing them because they are “exploited” helps that person at all. Is it really so difficult to understand that by calling someone you assume someone else is exploiting a viciously-intended name and then dismissing them as “deserving it” is, in itself, harmful and exploiting? The exact same thing you’re accusing other people of doing?? I know not everyone will “get” the documentary I’m making and why it is important to treat sex workers like you would your own sister, mother and daughter, but I can hope that the people who do “get” such things will take good things from it. I can hope that it does cause someone’s “light to come on”. As long as you’re breathing you have the opportunity to “get” anything. That’s a heartening thought, at least.
New Agency News
Agency names are so demure, even though the models actually get hired to do some pretty lewd (albeit wonderful), things from time to time. The name elicits a woman showing up and doing just pinup work, not double anal, double vag and gang bangs. That’s not something you’d expect from an agency entitled, say… “Sweet Sunset Models”.
My coworker friend “D” and I were making fun of the agency names and came up with, “Class Act Valley Gapers”. And the automobile that shuttles them around is a van, with a very arty, very soft picture on the side of a bashful-looking model, strategically posed to look sexy and reluctant, and then on the backside is a picture of her vagina (where the doors open wide), and the tailpipe is her asshole. … It was funny at the time. Mmm… needs a tag line. “Class Act Valley Gapers… So Sexy… So Gaping.”
Documentary Update
Everything is coming along fine. Mike, I’ll get some interviews posted soon. I like to overdo everything, especially overwork, so I have been killing myself on the new outro since the production name is different now. I really do love After Effects. I am going to marry it!!! Read ‘marry it!!!’ with a really high screechy voice for effect.
Quote of the week
(It’s a paragraph from a book, but I’m only going to write down the important lines.)
“I asked my mother if she had ever seen anyone die. …she told me about the one she saw–a sailor who jumped off the roof of the Graymore Hotel in Portland, Maine, and landed in the street. ‘He splattered,’ my mother said in her most matter-of-fact tone. She paused, then added, ‘The stuff that came out of him was green. I have never forgotten it.’ That makes two of us, Mom.” – Stephen King from “On Writing: A Memoir of The Craft” … Cracks me up!!!
Greetings From The Undergirl!: One Step Forward… Two Steps Back, by Julie Meadows
Filed under: Archive Posts, Greetings From The Undergirl, www.MikeSouth.com
I originally wrote this at Mike South’s blog on January 22, 2010. It is being added to other articles under the category ‘Archive Posts’.
A week’s worth of stuff…
Medicinal Recommendation:
Being sick is no fun, so if this helps someone, I’m glad. Olive leaf extract is pretty incredible for eliminating the common cold. It is an anti-fungal herbal medication, it comes in capsule form and you can get it at most GNC’s. I have been taking it for five years, always when I start to get a cold, and I feel the results immediately. Things like Vitamin C and Echinacea are always recommended by people, but Echinacea doesn’t work fast and Vitamin C is preventative, so you have to be taking it in supplements for a period of time before any symptoms begin for it to really shine. Olive leaf extract works right away. I take two in the morning, two in the afternoon and two at night. It’s pretty incredible, so if you try it, please let me know what you think. I have yet to meet anyone that does not sing its praises.
“Unbelievables”:
I was surprised to find protesters on Sunset Boulevard on Sunday. Doug and I were on our way to our favorite lasagna place and we passed a gaggle of people at the corner of Crescent and Sunset, next to The Beverly Hills Hotel, holding signs and yelling. I made Doug circle back ’round so I could try to get some video of them with my Canon Powershot, but the light at the corner would not turn red, so it is a blur of footage. They held signs that read, “God caused the quake”, “Israel is doomed”, “God hates Lady Gaga” and “God hates fags”. They booed at me as I hung out the window trying to get something worth using, and then I responded by flipping them off. (I can’t help it. It’s my go-to response when I’m pissed and in a moving vehicle.) I am certain there is a medical condition for this kind of craziness, though there is no particular name for it, yet. I do think it is only fair, though, to make the distinction between people like that and people like Martin Luther King, Jr., Shelley Lubben, etc… religious people who believe(d) in spreading positive messages to people, because we don’t want to mix up the people who attempt to do some good with the people who only want to cause harm. I needed a term to use and “unbelievables” came to mind because you have the “believers”, the “non-believers”, and… those other guys. Unbelievably dumb people. I don’t know what book they read, but I doubt any version of the Bible says to go out of your way to scream and spread hate. I mean, if you actually go out of your way to uphold a certain level of moral conduct you can get away with even a surface piousness that surface people can believe, but there isn’t even a gauze layer of veneer to these people’s prejudice. And yet, I suppose, we are suppose to believe they are saying something? Anything? Truly unbelievable.
The Haitian Diaspora:
I wish I could find the interview with Tom Brokaw, but he expressed that the Haitians should seek help from the surrounding territories before making an overseas trek to The States just to possibly get turned away. There was quite a mix of responses from callers on the subject. He did point out that, while it sounded a bit cold, governments are calculating even in their kindnesses, so for the safety of everyone involved, sticking it out and rebuilding their homes without straying too far is probably the better long term goal. If I could find the sound bite I’d quote him verbatim, but that was pretty much the gist of it.
YouTube Weirdness:
No matter how I try to justify posting every comment that comes through on my YouTube page, I cannot post the negative comments unless the commenter seems semi-intelligent. I got one last night from a woman ranting about the plight of women who have families and try to make a living and a home, and then “men pay those whores to stick their dicks in their asses…” Ugh. Yes, men pay women to stick their penises in their bums. And you pay people who screw you over. We’re all getting screwed somewhow, but hopefully, “those whores” are enjoying it. Get over yourself and quit trolling YouTube pages for a reason to say “whore”, “dick” and “ass”. Go tend to your children, pervert!
Learning Lesson:
It has been a hard lesson, but this is a big one. I have learned that it does not pay to help someone unless they ask for your help. I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten into trouble by jumping in to help someone without being asked. I used to get angry about it, too, thinking that it is the noble thing to do, and “how ungrateful can people be!” But, the truth is, you could actually be causing more harm than good by assuming a person, or persons, does not know what they’re doing. If that person really wants your help, they’ll know they need it and they will ask for it. Now, there are always situations that are exceptional, but they’re pretty obvious. A drug intervention, someone’s drowning, choking, etc… But in not-so-obvious situations with strangers, coworkers and loved ones, it’s best to just mind your own business. Sad, but true.
Quote of the Day:
“Cowardice asks the question, ‘Is it safe?’ Expediency asks the question, ‘Is it politic?’ But conscience asks the question, ‘Is it right?’ And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular but because conscience tells one it is right.” And, “When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.” – Martin Luther King, Jr. … (Happy belated birthday to a great man!)
Greetings From The Undergirl!: So Much Stimulation
Filed under: Advice, Greetings From The Undergirl, News, Opinion Piece, Video, www.MikeSouth.com
A week’s worth of news, blues, clues and how-to’s from a girl under the edge…
Disaster
There is nothing I can add that you haven’t heard about the devastating earthquake that hit Haiti this week. I have choked back tears and out-and-out cried and all I can say is help these people if you can, but be aware of who you’re sending your money to. NPR News has links for Aid Agencies, and MSNBC’s Rachel Maddox Show’s site has links and information for how to donate. This brings back terrible memories of hoaxes and people who got taken after the World Trade Center fell and an upsurge of Aid Agencies cropped up taking money to help those who’d suffered, but some were not legit. Do your research so your money doesn’t go to the wrong cause. Remember Walter Sobchak from The Big Lebowski, when he said “Look, just because we’re bereaved, that doesn’t make us saps!” You want your money to go to the right place, not to some guy who doesn’t really need another BMW.
Uselessness in Action…
Pat Robertson’s insensitive statement about Haiti being cursed by a pact with the devil is, to me, a beautiful illustration of the uselessness of religion as it is implemented by the greedy and ridiculous. The sin here, of course, is giving the old bag any attention whatsoever. It is easy to sit unscathed, untouched in your comfortable home and talk down about people who have been murdered, who are starving and slowing dying under the wreckage of their homes, who have no way to reach out to loved ones, who don’t know where family members are, who are traumatized by mother nature’s whim and to speculate and pose as a god, yourself, with prophecy and all-knowing insight about why people are basically being maimed by a natural disaster they never could have seen coming, rather than reach out and try to help any way you can. Oh wait… that’s not true at all, is it? No. It’s not easier to do that. It’s easier to have a heart and care about other people unless you are a scheming fuck with an ulterior motive. Pat Robertson is a waste of space and a reminder of what we must fear in the pious and hating people who represent their “imaginary friend” they claim to speak for only in ways that hurt other people and raise them up to the much coveted god status they, themselves, need to claim in order to put more money into their own pockets and more power into their own hands. I don’t care what god you worship or how you worship him/her, all I care about is this: “What value do you place on other people’s lives?”, and “Do you pray and care for all the people around you?” If your answer is anything less than, “I value other’s lives the same as my own regardless of their personal beliefs,” and “I pray for and care about everyone,” you are a danger to everyone around you and you need to be told so until you get just how dangerous you are. If you don’t claim a religion, it’s different, but if you do, you have an automatic responsibility to uphold a certain standard of living and are a poisonous snake if you don’t preach only good and healthy and noble things. We don’t need brainwashing gurus talking trash about people who are hurting in the world. You are not helping! Pat Robertson, you are traitor to humankind. Shame on you old man!
Passing on a Learning Lesson…
I think it is worth mentioning that when you go to a doctor to get a diagnosis for something and you don’t get a very good feeling about that doctor, get a second opinion. Do not fall into the trap of thinking you have to take that one doctor’s advice and follow his/her strict instructions exclusively because it’s not true. Medicine is not an exact science and you should never underestimate how much intelligence you have about your own body. Doug suffered from mold for years, and then he started getting sick every time he went to the gym. We watched his body, noted the physical reactions and changes he went through and deduced that his tonsils were not working to filter the toxins that were flooding his body after a bout of exercise the way they were supposed to. He went to a new doctor and explained the situation and the old guy not only dismissed his observations, he told him he was flat-out wrong, attributed everything to high blood pressure, and told Doug that he would be making a major mistake if he had his tonsils removed. In fact, the guy took it personally when Doug didn’t agree, which to me, proved that something was not right about that person. Doug went to a younger and more sympathetic specialist who not only agreed with him completely, he scheduled a tonsillectomy immediately, and Doug has had no problems going to the gym since then. Doctors work for you, not you for them. You are the one paying money to get treatment. Take advantage of that and make them communicate with you properly, or go somewhere else until you meet someone who actually cares and isn’t glazed over in the eyes, drunk with status and too much money, yet suffering an obvious deficit of reality and feeling.
Feeling Good
In an effort to express how grateful I am to have a home and loved ones and a life that is fulfilling and emotionally enriching, I want to say thank you to everyone who endured my barrage of e-mails and network updates about my kitty video, The Kitty That Ate Los Angeles. I’ve got a lot of friends and I appreciate you all. All I know is that if I can continue to entertain you indefinitely, my dreams have come true. It’s the least I can do.
And on an even lighter note…
Quote of the Week:
“I need to go poo, and by that I mean, I need to go shoot brown goo from my ass.” – Jay’s delicate explanation to me about why he needed to temporarily extract himself from my presence as we stood near his cubicle at work.
Mike South’s Blog
Don’t forget to check out my post this week on Mike South’s site. I had written some scathing bits in the past about Jenna Jameson, and I got really pissed at the mention of Tera Patrick’s book, just to realize that my problem isn’t with either of them, but with stereotypes and misconceptions around an autobiography I didn’t write and still felt conflicted about until I discovered my issue… while writing about it. I think it’s a pretty good post, too. I guess I hope I’m always a work in progress or I’ll have nothing interesting to write about anymore. Noooo!
Greetings From The Undergirl!: In With The Old… I mean, New
Filed under: Advice, Greetings From The Undergirl, News, Opinion Piece, www.MikeSouth.com
A week’s worth of news, blues, clues and how-to’s from a girl under the edge…
Dumb-ass quote of the day…
I heard this yesterday morning and I’m almost quoting our governor verbatim, so look it up if you don’t believe me, but when they played Arnold Schwarzenegger’s sound bite on NPR News and I heard, “We should not be spending more money on prison uniforms than we spend on caps and gowns…” I thought, ‘I sure as hell hope we are spending more money on prison uniforms than caps and gowns since prison uniforms are worn every damn day and caps and gowns are rented once an effing year!’ What the..??
Sounds Like a Good Read…
After hearing a really long interview on NPR News (yes, I listen to NPR News a lot), by Terry Gross with Bob Sullivan about his book, Stop Getting Ripped Off: Why Consumers Get Screwed And How You Can Always Get A Fair Deal, it sounds like a really insightful book about the specific aspects of getting and using a credit card, buying a car and getting cell phone service from someone who actually tries to get swindled so he can report about it. In fact, according to Mr. Sullivan, when people tell you that taking your car to anyone other than your dealer will void the warranty, they are lying. He says that is absolutely not true, so I am going to have to get the book just to read more about that! I don’t know how many times I’ve been told that, but it’s been a lot… A lot with my one car… Like, twice.
The Next Big Hit
My friend, DK, and I were talking about how dark it is in the parking lot of our work because the light timers are broken, and I said sarcastically, “Well, at least if I’m raped I won’t be able to identify who did it.” And then he mentioned Workman’s Comp and I tried to mock-relay the story to Human Resources, “Well, you see, I tripped over a rapist trying to get to my car…” and DK finished it, “… and now I own a house in Malibu!” So, we are going to write a song. A song called I Tripped Over a Rapist and Now I Own a House in Malibu. Look out for that on your local hip-hop station within the year.
Speaking of Hip-Hop
Even though I don’t listen to hip-hop, can I just say that I am thrilled to see so many cultures meet in a common arena like never before? Historically, minus the few exceptions in each category, jazz is the only musical genre I can think of that was open to everyone, but even then it was not as encompassing as hip-hop. Hip-Hop is really progressive in that it includes everyone, and as a result, it has further blurred the color and culture lines in music. You don’t know whether or not the next song is going to be fronted by an African-American, a Latino, a white rapper, a male or female… It wasn’t that long ago that radio was segregated so that Jimmy Hendrix had no immediate outlet because neither the “black” stations, nor the “white” stations would take him. He didn’t fit in with the standard R&B flavor because his music was too heavy and he wasn’t accepted on rock stations just because he was a black man. I think it’s cool to see that is a thing of the past with hip-hop. I think it’s worth mentioning… I feel an exclamation coming on. Yeah, damn it!
Learning Lesson
Do not talk to people, if you can help it, if you have spent your morning driving your falling-apart-car to the transmission shop for the fifth time in two years because they don’t know how to actually fix a transmission, and when you do talk to the first person they throw you out of the store for no particular reason, forcing you to go elsewhere, leaving you in the kind of foul mood that inspires fantasies of body dismemberment while listening to Bach’s Aria and sipping cold apple cider. I don’t advise it.
Quote of the Week
“If it were any bigger, we’d have to find another place for it.” – circa mid-90′s, drunk rocker chick to drunk rocker, overheard by my husband.
Plus, check out my latest blog, I’d Like To See Prostitution Legalized, on www.MikeSouth.com. Oh… I feel an exclamation coming on… WhoooYah!
Greetings From The Undergirl!: What A Week…, Julie Meadows
Filed under: Archive Posts, Greetings From The Undergirl, www.MikeSouth.com
I originally wrote this at Mike South’s blog on December 5 2009. It is being added to other articles under the category ‘Archive Posts’.
Penny Flame…
I read about Penny Flame’s spot on Oprah. She is a rape victim, and they highlighted that on the show. I’m glad that more shows talk about things like rape and abuse. I can’t imagine living in a world where such things aren’t mentioned, but it was not so long ago in our history that it was a societal sin to have a baby out of wedlock. That’s just such a crazy thought to me! It’s so archaic. It seems archais to me, anyway. If you think about it, some great leaps have been made in a very short period of time. It’s interesting to see how communication brings people together and also breeds strange and radical behavior in people who are afraid of change. I wish Penny nothing but success in her battles with addiction. Maybe the next bit will help her and/or someone else….
I’ll lick my cat’s butt before I go to AA!!!
… but I am going to quit drinking. I drank a bottle of white wine last night, sucked down the last two Coronas from the fridge and woke up still drunk. But today was different than any other day. I didn’t guilt myself into stopping when I know I won’t. That’s my cycle. Drink, wake up hungover and feel it – guilt, guilt guilt. Chuckle bitterly and angrily in my head and say things like, ‘So what! I like it. Fuck you, self!’ go to work, drive to the liquor store and drink, again. My friend, Chloe, once told me that she stopped using because Ernest Greene said the right thing one day. He worded it just so, and she understood it instantly and she quit. She was six years sober when she told me this. Now I know what she meant. That’s what happened to me in my head. I wasn’t think about it from the right angle before, but then I did and I know I can’t drink anymore. Guilt doesn’t work. Guilt has never done anything for me but drive me further into what it is I feel so guilty about. That’s what I was trying to tell the porn addict who commented on the Questions For Shelley Lubben About The Pink Cross post. I was suggesting that maybe he wasn’t thinking about it the right way. It was the simple realization that while I am a mature and decent human being in most respects (minus potty humor), I am an imbecile with no control when it comes to liquor. My father was an alcoholic and I’m too susceptible to turning into a freak when I drink it. I don’t know how to moderate it, I lose all control, and if I could drink responsibly, there would be no problem. In my head I said, ‘You are just going to have to face the fact that you are one of “those” annoying and typical people.’ I chuckled, but it wasn’t bitter or angry. I was relieved. Somewhere something in me said, ‘Finally! … stubborn cocksucker…’ Of course, this will probably be the last time I talk about it. I hate people who get on kicks and preach to everyone else that they should do the same thing, blah, blah, blah… Ugh! I like liquor, it just doesn’t like me.
Projects…
The documentary is coming along. My team and I are waiting for a few minor puzzle pieces to fall into place so we can get it rolling. I can’t believe I just said, “My team.” What a dork… We will be paying the models. It’s a documentary, so our budget is not huge, but in this depressed economy it seems only right to pay these women for something, so we’ll pay them for a photo shoot. Nothing long and over-the-top, just a theme of the model’s choosing, a kind of ‘How Do You See Yourself’ shoot where she can choose what she wears and how she looks. I’ll divulge more information after the next production meeting. Until then, I will be shooting some footage of downtown Los Angeles on Sunday so I can superimpose my cat as a giant pussy towering over tall buildings. I ceratinly can’t keep taping me and other people in my car as I terrorize them with my driving!
What I learned…
I have learned through the process of watching my car break down that the brilliant vehicular engineers of the world get paid the big bucks, not so much to add more bells and whistles to your automobile, but to make sure it falls apart right after the warranty expires. It’s genius. It’s also sick and twisted, but it’s genius.
Posthumous meeting…
This is a sad one. I got to meet David Aaron Clark, after he passed away. Mike forwarded me an e-mail that David had sent to him, for me. He said that I went on for too long in my Damien Michaels post. He was absolutely right, too. Even in the post I say about halfway through, something like, “I know I’m getting long winded here…” I’ve never met anyone in this way before. It was friendly, is much appreciated and bittersweet – may he rest in peace.
Quote of the week…
“I wonder what crawled into my mouth to make me taste Julia Louise Dreyfus…?” – My gay friend, “DK” contemplating his dream the night before of giving Julia Louise Dreyfus head. – You’re sickness is not only part of the reason I love you, it’s most of it.
Greetings From The Undergirl!: Shit, Piss, Dicks, Tits and Elderberry Jelly!, by Julie Meadows
Filed under: Archive Posts, Greetings From The Undergirl, www.MikeSouth.com
I originally wrote this at Mike South’s blog on November 12, 2009. It is being added to other articles under the category ‘Archive Posts’.
Quick introduction: I thought up Greetings From the Undergirl! last week, for some reason (even bought the domain names), and thought it would be a fun way to write about more than one topic at a time – a sum up, really, of the things I have learned and am learning about the world around me. It’s sort of like Greetings From The Underground, or Greetings From The Underdog, but from the perspective of a female, and not just any female, mind you, but a female quite developed in physical and streetwise ways, but way underdeveloped in mental and emotional ways, a female trying desperately to catch up with her same-age-group peers. There is so much to learn, so much to write about, and it is happening every damn day.
I don’t understand…
I heard on NPR News last night that there was some serious debate about whether or not minors deserve lesser penalties for crimes just because they are minors. Several points-of-view were laid out, but the prevalent one was that they might be somehow more susceptible to rehabilitation because of their age. This sort of struck me as odd. You know, fifty years ago and more, children might not have been so prone to committing crimes, on a whole. Factor in the overall population by percentage, and there probably weren’t as many crimes committed by children, especially felony crimes like rape and armed robbery. But… times change. A culture, a society must change with the times. I don’t like the prison system the way it is, I don’t necessarily think they cater to rehabilitating criminals, but if you have more minors committing crimes, it’s probably time to adjust the rules. I also don’t understand the thinking that because they’re younger that they’re more apt to see the error of their ways. If they are acting on their baser impulses at a younger age, it might indicate that they are less capable of learning from their mistakes. My thinking might be wrong on this, but an older man committing a crime, someone who may have been able to repress his impulses to rape for a number of years might be more apt to process and learn from the punishment than someone already acting out before they are legally considered an adult. I have no resolution to this bit of contemplation, but I would be curious to know what other people think about it. I do think if you’re going to punish them at all, if they are capable of committing “adult” acts of violence, etc… they should probably get an “adults” punishment. I want to think about that a bit more and write about it in depth.
Inspiration…
I want to see Carry Fisher’s one-woman show around her book of memoirs entitled, Wishful Drinking. Absolutely brilliant. Even if it is not absolutely brilliant, the concept alone begs for reverence. I want to bow down to The Princess on one knee and extend a martini to replace the empty one in her hand, on her billboard. Head face down, you can see her Princess Leah buns and I am once and for all in love with Carrie Fisher and her visual and honest artistry. I may never actually get to see the live performance, but one can be wishful about more than drinking. Fortunately, drinking is very accessible, where tickets and lodging in Manhattan are not.
Ruminations…
A fan wrote to me and told me that he was put off to find out, through my website, that I don’t enjoy sex. I did not know I had written such a thing, though I will not say I didn’t, and I promise to really not try and find out because I’m lazy, but it’s not true! I do and did enjoy sex, just not the way some enjoy sex. My friend, Chloe, is the kind of woman who pioneered extreme, eyes-rolling-in-the-back-of-the-head, out-of-body-experience sex, and I can appreciate that some people get lost in their feelings and the sensations of friction between genital parts. My approach to sex mirrors who I am, as a person. I am cerebral. What made me happy doing scenes was engaging my scene partner through being very aware of that person(s) and everything going on. In fact, the only few bad experiences for me happened when my scene partner wasn’t mentally present. Fact is, if I had gone on to do scenes longer I would have probably made the jump into bondage, as a dominatrix. It requires mental presence. But, I knew that and I also know that I am too gentle for that, and got out of performing right when I wanted to. I hope no one out there thinks that I didn’t enjoy my scenes just because I didn’t engage in bitch-slap scenarios with spitting and whatnot. I don’t understand the thinking that there is only one linear way of enjoying sex. It takes all kinds, and I do and always have enjoyed the pleasure of human contact… albeit, as a happy, smiling and good-time Texas gal. No choking and no hair-pulling, unless you want a finger implanted into your eye socket, thank you, kindly.
Shit, Piss, Dicks, Tits and Elderberry Jelly!
Last night I got into a car accident – no one was hurt – but it was weird. It was a four-car pileup in Chatsworth, i.e., Hell. You know, where everyone drives around with fish and Jesus paraphernalia all over their transportation receptacles. (I lived in Chatsworth years ago and I hate it more than unfermented grapes.) Then I went home, crawled into bed, and awoke to my husband on the phone with our landlady’s son, no doubt, threatening to kill us. The man was completely trashed at 7:30am and telling my husband that he would kill us for… suing his family? We’re not suing anyone. Fact is, we have spent the last week avoiding these people altogether because trying to be nice to them will extract the same reaction as trying to put them in their place – a firm kick in the head. Hell, it is quite obvious that one need only leave them alone and even that is just cause for harassment. I don’t have enough to deal with in my grating and strange life and I’m getting death threats for no reason at all? It’s not worth it if I haven’t at least maimed someone! I’d settle for tying someone up and burning “I’m A Waste of Human Space” onto their face with a lit cigarette.” I guess it would have to be a Capri cigarette… to fit all the dots so even a child could read it with little trouble. Oh… my husband has just informed me that the way to do it is to use a razor blade to cut the words into the forehead and then douse the wounds with ink. Hmm… It would take a lot of anesthesia, then. It’s still a lot to write into someone’s face and you don’t want them writhing, lest it not be clean and neat handwriting. Useful information. “Thanks, honey!” I also know how to dispose of a body with a tub of lard, a blanket, lighter fluid and gasoline and some empty warehouse space, preferably out in the middle of nowhere, if anyone is interested… I usually save that infromation for tupperware parties, but I’ll make an exeption here.
What I learned this week…
I wrote last week that it is important to carry a digital recorder around just in case you need to make notes about something and defend yourself in a phone conversation. What I learned this week, after the car accident, is that it’s important to carry around a little portable camera. Most phones conveniently have picture and video-taking capabilities. I was able to jump right out of my vehicle and snap off quite a few pictures of the accident. I always carry a pen and paper, as well, because you never know when you’re going to need to write down information. Incidentally, I carry a large computer bag to fit all the tedious things I like to have at my fingertips, but it’s obviously not for nothing. Now I am waiting for the crazy son of my landlady to approach me one day out in the parking lot so I can turn on my video camera and politely warn him that if he kills me I will be recording it. Of course, if he kills me, he might take said video camera and then it won’t matter. My hope is that, since he is prone to drinking at 7am, he will be drunk and will forget the camera. I cannot fucking believe the week I’ve had…
And finally… a quote:
“I like your Christ, I don’t like your Christians.” – Mahatma Gandhi … Amen and Hallelujah to that!
Greetings From The Undergirl!, by Julie Meadows
Filed under: Archive Posts, Greetings From The Undergirl, www.MikeSouth.com
I originally wrote this at Mike South’s blog on November 7, 2009. It is being added to other articles under the category ‘Archive Posts’.
A week’s worth of questions, reflections, observations and deep shit. Don’t ask, I’m making this up as I go along…
I don’t understand…
Why is Ann Coulter popular? Maybe this is a tired topic, I don’t know. I’m just now getting into politics. I don’t get it. She is a strange woman who says strange things. I finally saw her conversation with Joy Behar, who filled in for Larry King on Larry King Live around February of this year, and I have to say, I don’t get it. I guess the idea is that she’s this conservative and Christian person, yet she called former White House Press Secretary, Scott McClellan, “retarded”, insinuated that widows from 9/11 are attention mongers and projected the perverted idea that the American public wants to “have sex with [Barrack Obama]“… Um, what? That seems extremely contradictory to the “conservative” and “Christian” values that actual Conservative and Christian people are supposed to uphold, as far as I know. Truth is, it always seems that the so-called Conservatives and Christians are so much more radical than anyone else! I saw that crazy Shelley Luben video on YouTube, trying to find Paul Fishbein of Vivid, and even though a title card flashes the message that we are “meant for more than porn…”, she clearly expresses racism towards a Korean woman by pulling her automobile alongside her, and without any inquiry as to the woman’s ethnicity, asks her in Chinese if she knows where Paul Fishbein can be found. I don’t know where you come from, but if you have any actual sensitivity whatsoever, you don’t assume that just because someone’s eyes resemble a Chinese person’s eyes, that they are Chinese! Again, just another radical “Christian” being insensitive in the crusade for sensitivity.
Ann Coulter and people like her strike me as the type of people who know they’re playing with facts, twisting information, etc… which is probably why they are so calm. It makes sense. If you know you are playing a game, there’s no reason to get ruffled because, basically, it’s strategy. You are trying to get the person you’re talking to ruffled so you can call them out as the crazy person for being overemotional and not submitting to your babbling jargon. It’s like a magic trick. ‘Look over here so I can pull in something from over there.’ I am very impressed, though, with the calm some folks exude when dealing with this weird Ann Coulter woman. Joy Behar held her own, as have Rachel Maddow and others. What can you do? It seems you have to have a healthy sense of humor to deal with someone so strange, lest you do lose your composure and look like a crazy person, and she’s just not worth it. Besides, it’s probably fun for them because she’s so easy to tear apart. I woke up this morning sighing relief. “Hmm… Well, maybe I was just a whore, but at least I’m not Ann Coutler… Ew.”
Inspirational Thought…
I was talking to a coworker and somehow it came up that he had dated someone with a little penis. He was shocked that this person was hurt to be told he had a small penis when, “Um… he should know! He’s the one with the small penis all his life. Duh!” I would like to say something inspirational to the small-penis man, “Don’t look at it as a flaw, but as an opportunity to explore more creative sexual routes. You can compensate in so many other ways. Don’t look at it as an obstacle, consider it a challenge to find unique ways of approaching sex and fulfilling your partner through imaginative means. Don’t let someone else’s criticism get you down. If it’s not your penis, guess what… people are finicky and complicated. They’ll find some other damned reason to not like you. Believe me, I know.”
Yay!! Emma Thompson is cool again!
I don’t normally like Jezebel.com, but I found a great article there about a university student named, Caitlin, who had a brief meeting with Emma Thompson and she chose to use that time by showing Emma letters that people had written due to their disappointment that she had signed Bernard-Henri Lévy’s petition to free Roman Polanski. According to the story, she read them and said that she would take her name off the petition. She expressed the fact that she is friends with Roman Polanski, but also acknowledges that a crime is a crime. Assuming that it is true, it was nice to read that. I understand arguments for different things, and I also know that no one is bad all of the time. A person can be brilliant and disturbed. In fact, it’s almost the criteria for brilliance that one be disturbed, but past a certain age we can choose how we express that disturbed side of ourselves. We can find a creative outlet, or we can take advantage of those we feel are easy to overpower. A grown man should never choose to make prey of a helpless person, nor should any person choose to make prey of a more helpless person, or animal, for that matter. I was very impressed when I read that Jeffrey Dahmer accepted full responsibility for his actions, years ago in prison, even going out of his way to say that he did not blame his parents because he was an adult by then, and fully aware of what he was doing. It doesn’t make it any better really, but it’s still important to own up to such things. Setting a positive example is something, even when it seems impossible to set a positive example.
What I learned this week…
I learned that it’s smart to invest in a good digital recorder. Something small that you can pull out and use should you feel the need to record, say… a harassing conversation? Put your phone on “speaker”, tell the harassing ass-bag you are going to record the conversation because it’s illegal, otherwise. (Don’t call him/her an ass-bag, if you can help it.) I had to learn this legality from talking to a lawyer several years ago because someone had tape-recorded me without my knowing it and so I had to consult an attorney to find out if they had a legal right to do anything with it. It’s a long story I will tell someday because it’s too strange not to… Anyway, say to the person clearly [that you are going to record the conversation] so that they know you have made yourself clear, and then record away! You never know when you’re going to have to defend yourself, so keep that thing handy. I make most of my writing notes in my car on the way to and from work, so I just happened to have it on me when my landlord starting yelling at me, for no reason whatsoever. I thought I had anger issues. No. I do not have anger issues. Not next to this piece of shit. Next to him, I am subdued and, quite frankly, sedated! Look for a dance mix in the near future from Doug & Lydia entitled, “I’m Not Going To Argue With You, Lady!” Ha! j/k
Also, I gleaned a learning experience from an unexpected source yesterday. Christina Aguilera was quoted somewhere talking about how she exercises and how much she hates exercise as it’s happening, but that it’s worth it because she feels great afterwards. It got me thinking. What I do is drink in the moment, and then feel horrible afterwards. I thought, ‘So it’s just the reverse. That’s easy! Feel good in the moment and bad later vs. feeling bad in the moment and good later.’ It probably won’t keep me from drinking… but shit, that’s a smart thought!
And finally… a quote:
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – William Shakespeare … Sent from a cool person who writes to me. Appropriate and thoughtful. So, if I don’t think about drinking, it ain’t bad…. Thanks!
