Navigating The Online Adult Industry, part 2

October 18, 2011 by
Filed under: Essay, News, Opinion Piece, Sex Worker Rights, Uncategorized 

Watching online adult industry issues unfold in real time is interesting, to say the least. Right now I’m watching someone accuse me of being a “pure user” and “coercive” abuser, even though I haven’t spoken to this person in well over a month and have not mentioned her name online at all since returning to this blog to write. And I won’t mention her name because I don’t think I deserve to be treated badly and slandered just because I won’t jump into the middle of what appears to be a two-person dispute that has nothing to do with me.

How am I a “pure user?” Because I invited this person to drink wine with me and chat about life? Because I worked with Michael Whiteacre and asked her if she wanted to offer her own thoughts and feelings–for free, and out of good conscience–about her view of Shelley Lubben and pornography, as a result of what are blanket lies made by Shelley Lubben? Because I… used her… to… abuse my phone… by calling and texting her repeatedly after Darrah Ford told me she was tweeting about suicide? I bugged her for two days because she was talking about suicide. And then days later my banner was down from her site and a video was posted thanking a list of people for helping her and caring for her. Was I listed among those people? No. Shelley Lubben was, though. Did I say anything bad about her and drag her name through the mud over the internet even though I was deeply bruised by that? No. In fact, when asked what I thought about her “heel turn” towards Lubben, I said this:

“[T]hat’s tough for me because I know her, or at least know her to an extent. I can’t say anything bad about her because she was always a good friend to me. I think she feels she’s doing what she needs to do, but I can’t say that I completely understand the sudden affiliation with [Lubben].

Personally, my life has become much brighter not paying attention to it all. I hold no grudges towards xxxxxx and I hope she gets past the harassment she’s suffered. It’s bizarre what these people have done to her, but she did engage them. It’s just hard to figure. On the one hand you don’t want someone you care about giving too much energy to ill-intentioned people, but on the other hand that’s how people like that eventually eat their karma. They bully someone who gets too angry to back down.”

She thanked me for that. Later.

I don’t like lies being spread about me. I don’t think it’s right or fair, considering that the only reason I don’t jump in is because this dispute is none of my business. It’s not my place to speculate on someone’s child-rearing abilities or attack them without proof to back my attacks. I’m disappointed to see it all come to this. I don’t betray the people I care about, and I’m not going to start. I will defend myself, I will point out what’s true, but I will not get drug into a childish game of name-calling and lying. I don’t tweet things and then delete them later because I don’t enjoy saying and doing things half-cocked. I used to drink and write morbid things, but I quit because it’s not healthy. It doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

Yes, I’m a housewife, but I’m not a “bored housewife”. I do plenty of things that make me happy. Writing, knitting, web design… I’m not bored, but I am a housewife and I love it. I wish a loving relationship on everyone I know. Even at my worst; my most brazen, when I puff up my chest and get angry at Doug and think to myself, ‘I don’t need anybody!’ I eventually relax and realize that I do. He keeps me even, and I him. We all need people in our lives to point out our junk and reel us in. It is not mature to drop people just because you don’t agree with one or two of their views, or because they are friends and/or cordial with someone you don’t like. It’s also wrong to judge someone’s parenting when you’ve never met them and don’t have kids of your own and then create a website that’s mean and post their picture and leave comments about them in a thread using the name of one of their exes when that person has nothing to do with what’s going on; forcing the website moderator to “x” out that person’s name to protect them. And you know, she makes good points at times, but they get lost in things I can’t comprehend, no matter how I try, and I can’t involve myself in something I don’t understand. I know nothing about Satanism or reptile people or Mammon, so I can’t comment on that stuff. It’s not a good strategy for friendships to attack someone over a couple of things and then antoagonize them until they snap and finally say something mean. I’ve really seen that over the past few months, but unfortunately, to get the whole story via online relationships, you have to watch everything in real time. So much gets deleted and forgotten and swept under the rug, yet it all factors in.

I did not really know what all this online feuding was about until a few months ago and I’m shocked by what I see. Friends one minute, mortal enemies the next. Doesn’t like Lubben, then likes her, then doesn’t, then defends her as she talks about child pornography even though she’s seen Lubben’s child porn flier depicting her own daughter as a victim for a meeting among adults that had nothing to do with child pornography. I’m mortified by the statement that Donny Long was a genius. The endless tweets wishing people lose all their money, calling people “rat face”; ominous tweets about “killing your enemies”… And the implication that she posted a model’s real address on Porn Wiki Leaks!?!?!?  Someone she did not know and had no reason to hate or retaliate against! I’m hurt and sad and there’s nothing I can do but defend myself. I’ve done nothing to this person. Nothing. And interestingly enough, I still justify some of the things she does in my mind because I feel like I understand what she’s going through. I’m a pure user? Right now my name is being used to generate hate and attention and sympathy. I’ve. Done. Nothing. And at its core, this all appears to be a way of keeping people from getting too close, which is sad because she is so awesome in so many ways!

Before I run off and vent to Doug and probably cry like a big baby, I’d like to see proof of what I’ve done that is so horrible. Maybe it was promoting her sites and making cartoon pictures of her and giggling about non-porn things. Maybe paying her to be in my film as one of the incredible and exemplary women from the adult industry. Held up as exceptional with the likes of Nina Hartey, Jane Hamilton and Kayden Kross. Oscar Wilde was right. Friends do stab you in the front.

The latest:

“men who stalk/attack single women with limited resources are the weakest most pathetic men in the world.”

“fat bored housewives who have lost their looks & support men who stalk & harass single women deserve to cheated on and to contract an STD.”

“I’m feeling really good today – had an emotional yet empowering conversation last night with a new friend.”

I’m guessing the “fat bored housewife” who has lost her looks and deserves to be cheated on and contract an STD, is me? If anyone is being harassed right now, it is me. I hope this new friendship works out for you. I mean that. Now, this “pure user” has to go back to creating a website for free for someone whom she barely knows because she knows that person is struggling, and then work on more sobriety affirmations because this person is struggling with addiction. Unlike some, I don’t have time to tweet all day about doing meaningful things.

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Comments

15 Comments on Navigating The Online Adult Industry, part 2

  1. Michael Whiteacre on Tue, 18th Oct 2011 3:33 pm

    2. I’m curious as to how it could be that you and I coerced this person into appearing in, and presumably saying things she didn’t mean in, The Devil and Shelley Lubben — when she never mentions Lubben but instead talks only about free will. Does that mean she doesn’t *really* value free will?

    If she doesn’t value her own will, why would she be upset about coercion?

  2. Lydia Lee on Tue, 18th Oct 2011 4:29 pm

    3. I don’t understand one bit of it, but I know that people disagree. It’s bound to happen, but if you care about someone, you don’t trash them publicly. Defending yourself and others is one thing, but taking issue with an intimate and not telling them you have essentially “unfriended” them until they find out after you’ve blasted it on the internet is tacky.

    Also, if people aren’t fighting back in a grass roots effort against the people and organizations with the money to put people out of work, who’s doing anything? People fight nasty and prey on sex workers and everyone is just supposed to take it? Finally someone stops and says, ‘Okay. If that’s the way you wanna play, I’m in,’ yet it’s the person on the defense who is criticized?? How exactly does that work. You know damn well that if I said anything pointed in my defense I’d be called a stalker and harasser. Anything crass or rude or obvious to MY ATTACKER. I’m the one who would be on trial. That’s justice for you.

  3. Michael Whiteacre on Tue, 18th Oct 2011 5:04 pm

    4. Yes, “IF you care about someone…”

  4. Anthony Kennerson on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 10:13 am

    5. I’ll say only one thing about that mf’n woman here.

    She’s freakin’ NUTS.

    And now, she’s befriending two other particular women who are out on a mission to “reform” the industry *cough*JS/NN*cough*.

    This could get real ugly real quickly.

    Anthony

  5. Sean TRPWL on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 10:42 am

    6. Its painfully obvious to me that this person only cares about themselves..No one should truly eve consider this person there friend..Its only a matter of time before she turns on NN as well..In fact the writings on the wall with the Anti porn ramblings and now its only a matter of time…

  6. Michael Whiteacre on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 10:54 am

    7. Shame on you, Lydia, for coercing Anthony and Sean to comment here! ROTFL

    Help, help, I’m being oppressed…

  7. Lydia Lee on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 11:02 am

    8. There is a pattern among some to bully and bait people into saying anything in their defense and then calling them “stalkers” and “harassers” while never citing their own bullying and harassing that led to that person’s final irritation and/or blowup.

    A few do it. They decide they really like someone or pretend to like someone, then decide they don’t and use everything personal they know about that person (posting text messages, stating their real name in a video, posting pictures with slurs attached to it, etc…) to lure them into calling them a name or getting angry. Then they repeatedly call that person a “stalker” and “harasser”. But it is my understanding that a “stalker” is someone who physically follows you around, right? To accuse someone of “stalking” is to essentially insinuate, whether you mean to or not, that that person is physically following you around, something that must be proven to be true.

    I think some terms are being used rather loosely without indicating what’s really going on. I see very harassing things on both sides, but no one mentions that it was harassing emails from Shelley Lubben et al that started the “What is Pink Cross Foundation about?” ball rolling. Vicky Vette got harassing emails, Taryn Thomas. Kayden Kross said she got physical mail and email on a daily basis. Physical mail on a daily basis! The kinds of things that incite a person and people to fight back. Yet, again, when that happened, people who aggressively fended off the bullying and harassing were labeled “stalkers” and “harassers”. It is extremely irresponsible to attack and bully people into defending themselves and then pointing the finger at them and accusing them of what you’re actually doing. The tell-tale aspect of this being an angle to purely hate and bully someone is how aggressive these people are to do it over the internet where other people can see it. Every time a person’s name is attached to labels, slurs and accusations, it is available for the world to see.

    It is amazing to me that it is the people who use these words the most who are guilty of it. That Tara woman tweeting that Michael and Sean were at her house at night while Michael was at dinner with friends and Sean had already flown back to Texas. Just because someone claims “stalking” does not make it so.

  8. Lydia Lee on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 11:11 am

    9. I’d also like to add that there is probably a very specific definition for cyberstalker. Anything made public is open to all, but I would guess that actual cyberstalking means trying to dig up private and personal information on a person or persons that is not readily available over the internet. Like the AIM database information which was password protected, however ridiculously constructed. Accusing someone of cyberstalking means you are accusing them, possibly, of illegal activity. And… again, PWL did that ultimately over Donny’s beef with Mark Spiegler, but a group of people got rid of it and have since been labeled “stalkers.” I don’t get it.

  9. Lydia Lee on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 11:14 am

    10. @Michael–Yeah, I’ve got mad skillz, or so I’ve been told (only where knitting is concerned, but that’s okay. ) :D

  10. Lydia Lee on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 11:26 am

    11. I typed al of that up before I saw Michael and Sean’s posts.

    I guess what I’m trying to figure is, if someone attacks you and/or your friends and you use the same tactics back at them to fend them off, how is that “stalking” and “harassing”? And if you have personal information about someone because someone with proof comes to you and shares it with you and gives you permission to use it to defend yourself, how is that considered… what? “Stalking” and “harassing”? There is no logic in that.

  11. Sean TRPWL on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 11:54 am

    12. The lines are drawn, and 2 of the biggest wishy washy people ive come across in the last 5 months think there Thelma and Louise…Now they get to suffer at the hands of Nighthawk and Dragon…It just saddens me that Julie and Kayden got brought into a fight that wasn’t theirs …

  12. Anthony Kennerson on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 12:12 pm

    13. I believe, Lydz, that the operative word here is “projection”.

    Simply, you throw off the scent by accusing your victims of doing what you are doing to them, which justifies in their mind what you are doing to them.

    Serial killers and psychopaths do it all the time.

    Funny thing is….I’ve gotten feeble attempts at flaming all the time for the things I write about. Mostly, my reaction to such nonsense evolves into two scenarios: 1) Ignore the trolls, for they don’t know any better; or 2) Nuke them, because if you don’t put them down, they will think they have standing to continue and up the ante.

    Generally, I go for option #1, until I get really ticked off at such ignorance….then I break out the gallon of SmackDog Whupass (TM). That usually prevents any more stalking on their part.

    Saying the truth about someone and defending yourself against slander is not “stalking’ or “harrassment”. It’s called “accountability”.

    Oh, and speaking of “that woman”: behold my latest reading…especially the final sentence. That pretty much says it all, doesn’t it??

    Anthony

  13. Michael Whiteacre on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 12:16 pm

    14. You know that one scene in The Wizard Of Oz — when the flying monkeys pull apart the scarecrow? That’s what it’s gonna be like…

  14. Lydia Lee on Wed, 19th Oct 2011 6:10 pm

    15. I just left a comment on your blog, Anthony.

    Yeah, there are some very bizarre things going on. Very bizarre. And I know I don’t know the half of it.

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